Being a girl in middle class India….

This is a topic that definitely requires an analysis to do justice for and a 250 word blog is not even a prelude I suppose. But with so much being said and so much more left out in the context of the Delhi rape case, I thought of articulating my bit here.  

I am not getting into rape incidents or their psychology here and I would like to trace a layer of my own identity instead, being a girl in the Great Indian middle class society. The dalit, the rural or the women below poverty line experience worse, but having knowledge or rather firsthand experience in urban middle class India, my articulation begins and ends there.

First of all, in 4 out of 5 cases, all the well-wishers decide how well dressed we are, how we behave , how pretty we are and how great our potential is to be the perfect daughters- in law ! No, it’s not a stereotype ! They do educate us, let us free to an extent but then it all somewhere boils down to marriage, looks and domestic stuff so much so that, our academic merits are like an add on !

Besides, most girls hide their love lives, their love for smoke and booze, they change into clothes of their choice in the malls, go on bike rides on sleep overs and then get back to being little girls at home! As much as their parents love them, they would never take this reality and my point here being why are we so often instructed? Why are we told not to do this that and the other so frequently, while boys our age are relatively free and most importantly does any of this helping at all in us being respected on a public bus or any other place where they grope, eve tease and molest us so brutally??

Viewed as objects in daddy dearest salwar kameez, made fun of in broad day light and eve teased on main roads... Somewhere something has just gone terribly wrong right??

However “The Indian Culture” and the mess it has been made of thinks otherwise. In any case, with due respect to past glory of my mother land, I like a thing or two about the Western culture that is so harshly blamed for our own evils. As much as women are ill-treated there as well, at least they alone are not forced to conform to meaningless norms, don a hundred masks and most importantly, they are not judged as soon as they begin to have their own life!

Well then, is hypocrisy a norm as well?? 

That defining moment…

Which is that defining moment for an acquaintance to become a close friend, a close friend to a dear buddy and that dear buddy to a lover? As cheesy as it sounds, relationships and their nature are indeed beyond words so to speak! Then again, the human psychology is such- as many minds, so many ways.

Yet, typically it’s about that connect isn’t it? For any relationship to bloom there is some wiring that either simply works or not, then how else would you explain the uncanny ability with which we complete some one’s words, complement their thoughts and simply communicate without symbolism whatsoever! Also, on the other hand years could roll by you simply fail to understand that one person, their ways and a natural unconscious comfort is never found between the two of you…

How long you have known a person, how similar you are, etc., - though heavily influence that connect, you could just hit off when there is spontaneity that is easy flowing and neither needs to mask their true selves.  Probably once such person weighs over dozens of random friends who linger nowhere other than Fb chat list, but how do we know, it’s him/her??

Is it  when that comfort blanket surrounds you on the crappiest of days, when you smile to yourself stuck in an agonizing jam, when you feel confident all the time, or when it’s just that you finally realize there is that one person, whose little world you run! J

How important is that sense of security!!?

Don’t we all have at least that one person whom we forgive, help and ultimately depend on unconditionally feeling alienated sans such a support system? While this person may not be the kindest, the most helpful or the warmest, the habitual dependence on its part gets the better of us every time we try and distance ourselves from this bond that at times gets too demanding.

But why is it that we can hardly say no to that friend who borrows money to no end, without repaying a penny, why do we tend to forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who repeatedly cheats or why do we simply take relationships that come without respect, as a bargain for love or should I say security??

Is the fact that the person will take us with our flaws so rewarding that everything else looks small in comparison? Or, are we too scared to begin the search for that person all over again, thus settling for a mediocre deal. While the fact that acceptance translates to love is true, isn’t compromising too much, stretching the idea of accepting way too long?

Ok.. What am I getting at? No, I am not critiquing love or acceptance, but then, why do we need that endless presence of another so much so that we walk miles emotionally?! J  

The notion of New Year resolutions 

Year after year, we promise our selves and those who matter, as we resolve to change something that will hopefully make a progress and choose the arrival of a new year for the same. This, the much loved notion of New Year resolution romanticizes the concept of a new beginning like none other giving form to the otherwise half -baked idea of a fresh starts !

However, sooner or later, 4 out of 5 of us break, stake, change and finally forget the resolution as it goes on to join the rejected pile of ideas in the back burner of our heavily stocked minds. Having too much to do already and unable to make time for new tasks is though an obvious reason, the fact that we are happy with our clumsy selves so much so that the idea of change is superficial is in many cases true as well.

This reminds me of a friend who did everything from sticking posters all over his room to attending workshops to quit smoking, only to end up getting back to his dear cigarettes  back after a couple of days. He said, we like to tell people about our want to change and let them know of how we are unable to do so, in spite of really wanting to, - as a way of convincing ourselves that the lack of change is simply inevitable and not something we have chosen as a way out, whereas, we actually do not want to change at all !

Do resolutions ring a similar bell, or are too many of us masters in procrastination?